I did not grow up in a religious household, and religion was never forced upon me. I never questioned whether a divine force existed, but I did not dismiss the idea either. I sat on the fence.
I felt alone growing up, like I had been born into the wrong family and the wrong environment. I did not resonate with anyone around me. There were few opportunities for me to engage in things that brought me joy.
I was gentle and somewhat shy, and I couldn’t always cope with observing all the cruelty, hardships, and violence I witnessed. I felt deep compassion for anyone suffering and wondered why the world seemed so unfair.
I did not realize for a second that I was an older soul who would eventually experience a spiritual transformation where everything would make sense and I would go on to heal from all the trauma I endured in my early years.
Though my life was challenging, I took comfort in all the kind people I met along the way who were merciful, caring, and supportive. Anyone who experiences hardships, cruelty or marginalization, is often grateful for mercy.
I was used to difficult circumstances and learned to navigate them with resilience and grit. Like everyone else, I believed that I had to amount to some type of “greatness” for my existence to matter. However, I was reluctant to be cutthroat or manipulative. It didn’t feel right to me. So, I made peace with who I was and where I was in life.
The first stage of my spiritual awakening began when I experienced a dark night of the soul.
For context, a spiritual awakening is the realization that we are souls having a human experience, and each experience intends to make us stronger, yet compassionate and wise.
My dark night of the soul resulted from a breakup with someone who I would later learn is my twin soul. Or the soul that was created exactly the same time I was—a complementary pair. (Yin and Yang).
This breakup was abrupt and brutal. One painful argument about reciprocity, and I was shunned, blocked, and ignored like I never existed. The pain was so intense, it left me in a state of extreme shock. I had never experienced this type of pain in my life. I couldn’t figure it out. I felt like I was dying. At the time, I didn’t know there was a spiritual explanation for it. In reality, it was my wounded ego that was dying. I felt lost and hopeless, which didn’t make sense since I considered myself a person of strength.
I did something I wouldn’t normally do. I cried for months. I mourned like I had never mourned for anything before, and then I made peace with the “ghosting.” Then came spring, literally, and I felt so alive, so vibrant, so full of life. I was a new person. Extremely happy, optimistic, and grateful for my life. I had found hope.
But even that was short-lived. Soon after I started to see signs repeatedly, especially 11:11 , and constant reminders of the soul who had broken me. I was frightened. I did not want to relive that type of pain again.
Eventually I started to feel strong and persistent nudges from the Universe to reconnect with this soul from the past. I resisted this for months. And then I finally did it, I texted and we talked, and it felt like time had dissolved -an otherworldly experience of wholeness and even bliss.
That too was short-lived. He hadn’t changed at all, while I felt like a brand new person. In fact, his ability to trigger wounds I didn’t even know I had, was devastating to me. The depth of pain remained the same after each misunderstanding. I knew something needed to change and change quickly, so I sought God. I needed divine intervention. I couldn’t live this way anymore.
And that is how my spiritual awakening unfolded. I began daily communion with the divine through meditation, prayers, and different modalities of healing. I began to heal every single wound I had in my consciousness—all aspects of victim mentality, disempowerment, and remorse. The more I healed, the more wisdom, revelation and truth I received.
The most important part of healing for me was being compassionate toward myself for all I endured and allowing myself, the permission to cry. After all, we were both wounded souls, having a human experience. He rarely communicated his feelings to me so I never truly understood how I might have triggered him. We were complete opposites – very different personalities and worldviews etc.
So, for months, I cried almost every day as each wounded part of my ego was transmuted into an empowered part of who I am today. I had been rejected and abandoned repeatedly by the soul who was also created at the same time as me. In Hinduism, this pair is known as Shakti and Shiva and union only occurs when one or both souls, is meant to achieve self-realization.
There were many times, I tried to forge a partnership for the greater good of our souls and to help him heal through the spiritual gifts I had attained, but he wasn’t interested, and made it clear in many ways – cold, unkind ways.
I do believe the Universe conspires for our happiness in one way or another, and time fixes everything. I have learned to embrace peace through the constant fluctuations of a spiritual journey. Please note that, only the very old souls get this experience because they are ready for it.
My philosophy is, life is beautiful and there is always so much to be grateful for.
Now, as a spiritual guide and transformational coach, I use my wisdom and healing abilities to help others who are on a similar path. I also aim to help both men and women become healthier, more empowered versions of themselves to have happier, more fulfilling lives.
Are you going through a spiritual awakening? Let me be your guide – connect with me at info@thecoachwithinyou.com.
